The adopted child may experience unconscious, unresolved energetic emotional entanglements with their biological family system. Unless the adoption is openly emotionally processed by everyone involved, there will be individuals living the impact of this unresolved emotional suppression and trauma through struggle in some way.
The individual who has been given up for adoption lives a special fate. Their ability to thrive in live and to live in wellness with inner peace and self-love depends on their willingness to accept and agree to this fate. Where there is yearning for life to be other than it is – there will be suffering.
To adopt means to take as one’s own or make one’s own through selection. The adoptive parents choose to raise the child of another. Their role as loving adoptive parents is important in the life of the child, however, when we look at systemic family wellness and healing for the adopted child, the biological parents energetically impact the adopted child to the greatest extent.
Accepting Who You Are
In this regard, the adopted child is like any other child. The adopted child has one biological mother and one biological father. The child is energetically and physically 50% mother and 50% father. The child can take in life fully when they can fully take in the love of their biological mother and father. The child is energetically tied to their biological family system and their biological mother and father. The fate of the adopted child is entwined with the fate of the biological mother, biological father, and their family systems, and vice versa.
This explains why many adopted children feel so drawn to search for their biological parents. They are seeking to find their emotional healing. To find emotional healing the adopted child does not need to physically connect with their biological parents or family systems and I emphasize this point. It is an option if it works out for both or all parties, but it is not necessary for emotional healing to occur. However, knowing what is available about their biological parents may help the adopted child along their healing journey.
To be well and live life fully, the adopted child can do their healing work and let go of this strong energetic entanglement that may be holding them back in life in some way. When the adopted child agrees to their fate and accepts their biological mother and father just the way they are, energetic wellness may be found.
The Right to Belong
If you have read any of my other blog posts, you will be familiar with the concept that everyone has a right to belong in the family system regardless of what they may have done or not done. You can find a full discussion of this concept at the following link:
https://www.peacefulpossibilities.ca/family-constellations-calgary-how-you-belong/
The greater family system will not tolerate the exclusion of anyone from the family system. The greater family system will not tolerate blame and judgement. If you are blaming your biological parents for ruining your life, you may suffer in some way. If you are yearning for more from your biological parents, you may suffer in some way.
The fact that you are adopted needs to be internally accepted in the cells of your body, your unconscious mind, just the way it is. This can be accomplished through systemic healing work, body-focussed therapy, ritual, and ceremony. If you are yearning for life to be different than it is, you may continue to suffer in some way. Wellness comes when you say “YES” to life just the way it is. Your life has played out just the way it was meant to play out. You came to life choosing this difficult fate for your own spiritual development and growth.
Agreeing To Your Fate
If you are an adopted child that has not agreed to your fate, it may be holding you back in life in some way or you may have physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, relational, or financial issues that are attempting to deliver you a message. Pay attention to all the messages sent to you by life and by your body.
You may not be making the connection between your adoption and your symptoms or life situations. You may be feeling this energetic entanglement through difficulties with your adoptive parents and your adoptive family system. They are there to mirror or reflect your inner emotional separation wound back to you for healing. Sometimes their role is to provide a safe place for you to do your emotional healing work. Family systems come together for many reasons. Your inner struggle will manifest out into your external world desiring to be seen and heard until you address it.
Emotional Suppression
You won’t tend to do well if you emotionally suppress everything regarding being adopted. You may be shutting out the fact that you are adopted and be carrying the illusion that it has no impact on your life. You may feel you can get on just fine without your biological mother and father. You may be carrying or sharing the burdens of your biological parents if you unconsciously merged with them out of love and loyalty to your family system. This situation is especially common for adopted children when they are being carried in the womb of their biological mother and they can feel her emotional neediness. If you were given up for adoption your biological mother was likely struggling emotionally while she was pregnant with you. This is how many adopted children remain energetically tied to their biological mother in a subversive way. The energetic rejection and merger with the biological father is common for adopted children as well.
When I discuss paying attention to the messages of your body, you may be carrying the feeling of “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t belong,” “I’m not wanted,” “I need to be a high achiever to be wanted,” “I need to be a perfectionist to be wanted,” “I don’t deserve to do well,” “I’m separate,” “ I’m left out,” or “They don’t want me.” It is natural to carry these inner emotional response patterns and feelings as a child, however the adult has the capacity to shift them. All children are energetically drawn to love their biological parents even if the relationship is difficult. If I can’t openly love you, I’ll remain attached in another way. I encourage you to openly address your suppressed emotions around being an adopted child.
Without realizing it with your conscious, rational mind, you are likely feeling energetically excluded from your biological family system. Your biological family is likely feeling your exclusion as well if they have not openly expressed their grief and sadness over giving up a child. Energetic healing does not mean you have to physically connect with your biological family. I realize that frequently this is not possible or desirable.
BUT…..
By this point you are probably saying, “What if I know nothing about my biological family?” or “I know very little about my biological mother and father! Where does that leave me?”
Energetic healing work and systemic family constellations have revealed many of the dynamics that emotionally impact the adopted child and their biological family system. We don’t generalize these impacts but certain patterns do begin to develop and they are revealed by one family system after another. You don’t need to know everything or anything about your biological mother and father to thrive and do emotionally well in life. However, you do need to develop a healthy relationship with them where an unhealthy relationship presently exists.
Catch my next blog post for more on systemic healing for self and family if you are an adopted child or know an adopted child.