Adoption links four family systems together in their fate and the adopted child is energetically placed in the middle. There is the biological mother and her family system, the biological father and his family system, the adoptive mother and her family system, and the adoptive father and his family system. A symbiotic relationship is established that impacts everyone involved. Adoption is somewhat like a marriage in that the families unconsciously choose one another for an energetic purpose.
What did the biological parents and their family systems energetically want to experience? What did the adoptive parents and their family systems energetically want to experience? Separation and exclusion may be the theme for these family systems for this lifetime. Adoption provides the opportunity for this spiritual development and growth. There is an opportunity for each individual to experience both the pain and the healing.
Adopted Child in the Midst
Although the adoption impacts all of these family systems, the energetic wellness of the adopted child is mainly linked to the relationships with their biological mother and father. The emotional wellbeing of the child is linked to both. The child is 50% biological mother and 50% biological father. Children thrive then they can fully take in the love of the biological mother and father. That means that they accept themselves fully inside. The emotional impact of the separation from the biological mother and father at birth or in early childhood is imprinted on the cells of the child. This is no different than any child that experiences a separation or bonding wound with the mother in utero, at birth, or in early childhood. This is the energetic emotional healing work that needs to be addressed.
Avoidance Doesn’t Work
If the biological parents are rationalized in the head and avoided emotionally, with the emotional impact of separation buried within, the separation wound will continue to grow over time. The child will struggle in some way if they avoid this deep emotional baggage that is being carried. Like any heavy piece of luggage you carry, this emotional baggage feels heavier and heavier over time the longer you carry it. Frequently, it’s not until adult maturity that the individual feels the urgency to do something about their emotional baggage. In many situations, chronic symptoms or conditions are the catalyst to finally explore.
If there is no energetic healthy emotional relationship established with the biological parents, this is where the healing work begins. This healing work involves acknowledging what happened around your birth and early life, accepting life just the way it was for you and your biological parents, developing compassion for your biological parents and the emotional journey they were experiencing, and gaining compassion and self-love for yourself and all others involved. This flows when you develop a strong healthy boundary with others to keep out those you want to keep out and porous yet soft enough to let those you love in.
No Physical Connection Required
The adopted child does not need to physically connect with the biological parents for healing to occur. The biological parents may even be deceased or transitioned to the other side, and yet energetic healing can occur. It is essential to understand that you are responsible for this healing work to take place. Realizing your inner woundedness is the first step.
You have the capacity to shift the inner images you carry about your birth, your childhood, and your biological parents. Healing is having gratitude for being given life and letting the rest go. Your biological mother and father want to be taken into your heart. They want to be acknowledged, respected, and honoured. You can’t fully take in your life force energy until you take the love of biological mother and father into your heart. For the adopted child, healing is a slow loving movement of the soul. You create a new healthy relationship where an unhealthy one previously existed and you shift the emotional environment around the cells of your body.
Adoptions are Systemic
What about the biological parents who gave up their child? The individuals who gave up this child will begin to thrive in live and be open to living life more fully when they accept and agree to their fate. Adoption is a spiritual decision made long before coming to birth. Understanding adoption energetically means looking to the big picture. Adoption isn’t only about the adopted individual, the biological parents, or the adoptive parents. Giving a child away is not an individual decision. It’s a systemic decision. It is a much greater collective soul movement than the individuals involved. Adoption is about a number of souls choosing to experience the human duality spectrum of rejection and acceptance. Separation or exclusion will be a continuous theme throughout the adopted child’s lifetime, and for all the others involved, until they do their energetic emotional healing work.
These energetic entanglements around adoption can flow transgenerationally from the grandparent generations down through the biological family as well. Someone may have encouraged or forced the woman to give away her child and that might be the biological grandparents. The adopted child may be energetically entangled with the biological maternal grandmother for instance. This is stated without blame or judgement, just a statement of what is in the family system. There may be shame or guilt carried in the family system. There may be sorrow. All of this yearns to be healed.
The Parent/Child Relationship
In many past blog posts I have mentioned the relationship between the child and the parent. The parents you chose for this lifetime are the perfect parents for you, otherwise you wouldn’t have all the gifts and talents you have today. Your parents provided you with the opportunities and direction to spiritually develop and grow to reach the development goals you wanted to experience in this lifetime. The adopted child chose these particular parents and the experience of being given away. This was a spiritual decision before birth. You found others who wanted this experience as well.
It is inevitable that the adopted child will experience a separation wound with their biological mother. As I mentioned above, that is the first wound that desires to be healed. There is usually a disconnection with their biological father as well. He is likely excluded from the family system. That is the second wound that desires to be healed.
If the adopted child has rejected the biological mother, biological father, or both through avoidance or open exclusion, this rejection creates more wounds that seek to be healed. In rejecting a biological parent we will often energetically merge with them as well. Merging with biological mother, biological father, or both creates more wounds to be healed and energetic entanglements to separate.
You can tell if you have rejected your biological mother or father in the way you describe them or if you avoid them. Is your description of them generally loving or judgemental in some way? You can tell if you have merged with your biological mother or father in the way you describe them and through your behaviour and actions. Are you like them in some way? Are you following a similar path in life? Do you say things that they would have said? Is your family system experiencing similar issues? As you age are you becoming like your mother or father?
When a child merges with a parent they need to separate from the entanglement and set up a strong healthy relationship boundary for themselves. The child needs to pass any shared or carried burdens or fate back to the parent. The child needs to learn to address any abandonment issues felt in childhood. If the adopted child is now an adult, they will need to learn to self-soothe themselves in stressful or emotional situations and learn to self-parent themselves. The emotionally healthy adult develops a strong sense of self and is able to maintain it with constancy even when stressful situations occur. The adult adopted child can seek no more from either the biological parents or the adoptive parents. Only love and compassion should stand between them. This is no different than the journey of any child.
Catch my next blog post for adoption dynamics and the process of healing.
This was very insightful, Patricia. Thanks for that.